“Seldom are we broken. There’s just something we haven’t yet learned that would allow us to be more free. The courage to pursue a truer view is rewarded with the joy of living in greater truth. ”
Please scroll to the bottom if you want links to Jennifer’s upcoming events!
Question #1
My wife and I have been married for several years. Arousal used to come easily, but in the past two years, severe depression has taken its toll on my libido. When it's not depression, it's chronic fatigue. Arousal now takes far more effort than it used to. I've found that things like roleplay and reading erotica have helped to overcome these hurdles. These are things we've done and enjoyed in the past, but have become more prevalent during the times of depression, as they seem to provide a shortcut to arousal. This is helpful because, as a normally high drive person, I want to want it, even if the body doesn't react as freely. I don't require them for arousal, but arousal doesn't happen on its own as much anymore.
The problem is that my wife has put on weight in recent years, and she is often convinced that my lower libido is due to this. She often feels like the roleplay is my way of pretending she was in better shape, or a different person.
How can I help her to know that it's a depression issue, and that my roleplays & erotica are being used to "jump start" my libido, and are not meant to replace her? How can I help her to not feel threatened by them?
Question #2
Thank you for all that you do! My husband and I are huge fans of Jennifer Finlayson-Fife! We have taken her courses and they have changed our lives for the better! We have been married 11 years and have 2 small children.
I am currently pregnant with our third child. While my husband and I have made great strides in our sexual relationship and I have taken monumental steps to claim my sexuality, I feel that my pregnancy has made me regress. I am so thankful to be able to carry children, but I do not feel sexually aroused while pregnant. My husband is so kind and tells me I’m beautiful, so the problem is not how he sees me. The problem is how I see myself. I tend to gain a lot of weight during pregnancy, which then takes me about a year to lose. With the weight gain, the fluctuating emotions, and how tired I become, sex is just not something I am interested in. Body image is a huge factor in this.
I would like to be more intimate with my husband, without feeling anxiety about my changing body. How can I feel sexual while pregnant? I’m sure I’m not the only woman who feels this way!
Question #3
I only learned about Joseph Smith’s polygamy, the doctrine of polygamy as explained in the scriptures and it’s extent in our temple dealings about 15 years ago. It has had a profound effect on how I view myself, my marriage and God. I am fearful of dying and resent this view of women.
When I ask family or friends how they cope with this they say they just don’t think about it or say they know in the next life we’ll be perfect. I find myself trying to be perfect so I don’t get replaced. Can you help me move past this fear so I can more fully enjoy my marriage?
Check out Carolyn Pearson’s book on Polygamy here:
Listen to a conversation with Jennifer’s conversation with Carolyn about polygamy here:
Do you have a question you’d like to hear Jennifer answer on the Podcast? Submit it here:
About Our Guest
Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife
Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is a LDS relationship and sexuality coach as well as a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor in the state of Illinois. She has a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology. In addition to her dissertation research on LDS women's sexuality and relationship to desire, she has taught college level human sexuality courses. Her teaching and coaching focuses on helping LDS individuals and couples achieve greater satisfaction and passion in their emotional and sexual relationships.
In addition to consultation with couples and individuals (in person and online), she offers online relationship and sexuality courses as well as live workshops and retreats for LDS couples and individuals.
Jennifer is a frequent guest on LDS-themed podcasts and write articles for LDS-themed blogs and magazines, on the subjects of sexuality, relationships, mental health and faith.
Want more information on Jennifer’s upcoming events? Click here:
Want to listen to past episodes of Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist? Find them here:
Show Notes
Legal Disclaimer
The advice offered through "Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist" podcast is educational and informational in nature and is provided only as general information. It is not meant to establish a therapist-patient relationship or offer therapeutic advice, opinion, diagnosis treatment or to establish a standard of care. Although Dr. Finlayson-Fife is a trained psychotherapist, she is not functioning in the role of a licensed therapist during these sessions, but rather using her training to inform these sessions. Thus, the content is not intended to replace independent professional judgment. The content is not intended to solicit clients or patients; and should not be relied upon as medical or psychological advice of any kind or nature whatsoever. The information provided through the Content should not be used for diagnosing or treating a mental health problem or disease. The information contained in these communications is not comprehensive and does not include all the potential information regarding the subject matter, but is merely intended to serve as one resource for general and educational purposes.
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