What Are You Committed To?
People are predictable.
If I ask the question, "Do you want an incredible marriage or a mediocre marriage?" Everyone will answer, "I want an incredible marriage!"
If I ask, "Do you want an extraordinary life or a boring life?" Everyone will answer, "I want an extraordinary life!"
If I ask "Do you want to have meaningful friendships, a strong faith, a purposeful existence or... something else?" Nobody would choose the "something else."
However, what you desire and what you're committed to are two very different things.
If you really want to live the life you desire, it requires you to have two things: Clarity and commitment.
Clarity
When God created the earth and everything on it, he didn't just show up and wing it.
He used a blueprint. He created things spiritually before they were created physically. He had a vision and a plan before He took action.
Clarity is power.
As children of God, we've inherited his capacity to create. We are the creators of our lives.
We can create things with meaning, purpose, and value out of things that are meaningless.
It's our responsibility to make the most of the limited time we have on earth. To do that, we need a plan. We can't just wing it.
Maybe what you want is an extraordinary marriage. That's a great place to start!
Now, what does that look like? What are the things you need to do daily, weekly, or yearly to make that marriage possible?
What are the feelings you want to experience in your marriage? What are the things you do in life that give you those feelings? How can you incorporate them more regularly in your relationship?
What do you want to be remembered for? Being an amazing parent? A reliable friend? A difference-maker in your community? Someone who is generous with their abundance?
Create a clear map of what it looks like to be that kind of person. Don't wing it!
Nobody became extraordinary at anything without a constant focus on becoming extraordinary.
Excellence doesn't happen by accident.
Commitment
Once you have a blueprint, you need to have a fierce commitment to doing what's required to turn that blueprint into reality.
Every day there are necessary required actions that you must take in order to create the life you want.
It might mean every single day you ask your spouse, "What's one thing I can do today to make you feel loved?"
It might mean you empty the dishwasher and take out the trash, despite being exhausted and feeling overworked.
It might mean you spend evenings reading an inspiring book together, listening to a podcast that helps you become a better person, writing love letters, or asking yourself hard questions like, "What am I doing to contribute to the pain I'm experiencing?"
Of course, you could also choose to spend hours of your life watching Netflix, scrolling through Instagram, watching YouTube, or playing video games. But this choice means you are likely putting off creating the life you want.
People who don't put in the work aren't committed.
And people who aren't committed don't get the results they want.
Just because you want something doesn't mean you can have it. Your desire has to translate into action.
If you want to know what you are most committed to in your life, look at how you spend your time, energy, and money.
You can make your life extraordinary. (And if your life is already extraordinary, you can make it Celestial!)
You can build a powerful legacy that will ripple through generations and a kingdom on earth that helps to change the world for good.
But you will never accomplish any of these things if you don't have two things: Clarity around what you want, and a fierce commitment to doing what's required to create it. Every. Single. Day.
About Our Guest
Setema Gali is a world-class coach, speaker, trainer, and author of the book Winning After the Game.
He works with highly-committed individuals to identify the necessary required actions to create the kind of life they want.
Setema is also a Super Bowl Champion, an invested and attentive husband, and a committed father.
Check out his book Winning After The Game to learn how he's created a wealthy life after going bankrupt, losing everything, and even having to sell his Super Bowl Ring.
Show Notes
4:16 How Setema met and pursued his wife
6:25 They were best friends - he felt like he could not be without her
8:50 How they deal with conflict. They have a clear purpose in creating a happy marriage, and they do what it takes to build one despite arguments or disagreements
8:45 “I don’t want this. Let’s talk RIGHT NOW” Quickly overcome negativity, bitterness, anger, etc. Clean things up fast.
10:55 Clarity is power. If you are really clear on what you want, it is simple and easy to know what needs to be done to get it.
11:20 Believe it is possible to have an amazing marriage that works
12:35 An apology does not have to be an admission of guilt, but an opportunity to heal your partner.
12:50 You most often don’t hurt your partner on purpose, but it happens. Regardless of whether you meant it or not, it creates a gap in your relationship; a wound that needs to be healed.
13:25 When his wife said something that hurt him, his instinct was to shut down and pull away. Because of the clear agreement they have to confront and resolve quickly, he talked with her about it soon after. She had no idea she had hurt him, but she apologized. They hugged, cried and expressed love to each other and the issue resolved.
15:10 Ask for what you want and need
15:45 The happiest couples have a “low negativity threshold”
16:25 Live by agreements; not expectations. Be clear on your goals and purposes, but don’t hold your partner to perfection. This leaves room for being able to communicate your wants and desires.
18:15 Don’t be afraid to confront your spouse when something isn’t right. Do it with love, kindness and integrity.
18:50 If you ask couples what they really want in their marriage, few will be able to answer with a clear purpose.
19:35 Having a clear purpose helps to create and intentional and deliberate way of life.
20:20 Be committed to your dreams, goals, and visions. Focus on improving 1% each day.
22:05 You can have whatever kind of marriage you want. The marriage that you currently have is the marriage that you’ve chosen to create (for good or for bad). If it’s not what you want, then choose to change and create it.
23:00 Before having this type of conversation, set it up with an agreement and a clear purpose. “I want to have a conversation about how we can be better in our marriage, and I want you to be 100% open and honest with how you feel. Can you do that?”
23:50 These types of conversations take practice, but the more you do it, the more natural and quickly they can occur.
24:05 “What can I do better?”
25:05 “What do you want or need [in the home, in our marriage, with finances, sex etc]”
25:25 “What’s working?” “What’s not working?” “What’s missing?” “What’s next?”
26:50 What do I want in my marriage, and what is required of me to get it?
27:00 Effective communication is key
28:45 “Where are you at right now?”
29:05 Winning after the game
31:05 Be clear about what you want, and then be committed to achieving it.
31:35 Marriage is the most important thing for our country and for our world.
31:40 A happy couple can teach their kids the model of a healthy relationship
32:30 Wealth is beyond money
32:55 Happy families and happy homes breed powerful people
33:20 “Whatever you want, you can have. Whatever you have is your choice.”
The incredible photos on this site were generously donated by the incredibly Talented Scott Jarvie. Hire him for your wedding or purchase his beautiful book, Mormon Temples in America.
